


Another Characters Watch Their Own Movies

by thyxvoid



Category: MCU, Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Comics), Thor (Movies), Thor: Ragnarok - Fandom
Genre: No Slash, crackfic, loki and thor are siblings so get outta here, marvel characters watch mcu, most probably, thor ragnarok is godtier, watch marvel cinematic universe, watch mcu
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-02-28 14:39:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18758464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thyxvoid/pseuds/thyxvoid
Summary: - They about to find out about Thor's adventures during Ragnarok -





	1. intro

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am no writer, please don't take anything too seriously, I just love these movie watching fics but I haven't found one for Thor Ragnarok, so I shall do it myself.
> 
> Note I really don't know how to write Steve or Bucky or Clint or Sam or Nat, so if you don't see much of them you know why. Sorry. I'm trying.
> 
> Tags added along the way.

  

It was a dark room. You can just about make out some sofas and chairs in the dimness. Everyone was there, waking up slowly and becoming aware of their predicament. Nothing harmful, but you know these guys, they are super paranoid about everything.

 

Tony Stark spoke up first, “what the fuck”.

 

The other Avengers, looked around and noticed the the theatre screen ahead. Expressions turned in confusion. Steve, Natasha, Clint, Sam, Bucky, Peter Parker, Rhodey, Bruce, Thor, Valkyrie, and surprisingly Loki was there.

 

Peter walked up to a small table, and found a DVD case with a note inside:

 

‘Hello all,

Enjoy the film

:)

 

PS: You can’t leave or fight your way out until you finish the film or films presented’

 

Peter exclaimed, “Yay movie time”. Some popcorn and drinks were magically conjured into the area. Everyone was still very wary and confused. Peter handed the note to Tony, and Tony shared with the class.

 

Nobody remembers how they got here, and nobody knows how to get out. So time to watch a movie.

 

The ‘Revengers’ aka Thor, Bruce, Valkyrie and Loki sat to one side, while the Tony, Peter, and Rhodey sat in the middle, and the rest of the Avengers sat on the other side. The DVD was placed inside the player and the screen lit up.

 

“This better be a good film” Tony finally said and everyone else nodded in agreement.

 

_A bunch of comic book pages started flipping on the screen, and zooming out showing a bunch of clips and eventually the Marvel Studios logo. The logo was then burned away and the setting was orange and full of fire._

 

_Thor’s voice speaks up, “And I know what you’re thinking, oh no thor’s in a cage how did this happen?”_

 

Loki looks to Thor, and Thor shrugs.

 

_“Well sometimes you have to get captured just to get a straight answer out of somebody. It’s a long story, but basically I’m a bit of a hero…”_

 

Loki in the movie theatre rolls his eyes and Peter cheers.

 

_“See I spent some time on earth, fought some robots, saved the planet a couple of times, then I went searching through the cosmos for some magic, colourful Infinity Stone things. Didn’t find any. That’s when I came across a path of death and destruction, which led me all the way here into this cage where I met you”_

 

_Thor looks up at a skeleton, and the skeleton’s jaw drops._

 

Thor currently watching says, “How do they have footage of my time on Surtur? What sorcery is this?”, while everyone is currently laughing at Thor in a cell predicament.

 

_Thor suddenly falls out and is dangling by the chain facing Surtur._

 

_“Thor son of Odin!”_

 

_“Surtur son of a… bitch!”_

 

Everyone in the theatre bursts out laughing. Tony exclaims “Nice comeback, pointbreak”.

 

_“You’re still alive, I thought my father killed you a half a million years ago.”_

 

_Surtur sighs, “I cannot die, not until I fulfil my destiny and lay waste to your home.”_

 

_“It’s funny you should mention that because I’ve been having these terrible dreams of late. Asgard up in flames, falling to ruins. And you Surtur are at the centre of all of them.”_

 

_“Then you have seen Ragnarok, the fall of Asgard, the great prophecy…” Surtur exclaims._

 

_“Hang on, Hang on” Thor interrupts the monologue. “I’ll be back around shortly, I really feel like we were connecting there. Okay so Ragnarok, tell me about it, walk me through it.”_

 

“Since when did Thor become so sarcastic?” Clint says.

 

“Must’ve been hanging around Tony too much” Nat replies and smirks.

 

_“My time has come, when my crown is reunited with the Eternal Flame I shall be restored to my full might. I will tower over the mountains and bury my sword deep in Asgard’s…”_

 

_Thor interrupts again, “Hang on give it a sec, I swear I’m not even moving. It’s just doing this on its own. I’m really sorry. Okay so let me get this straight. You’re going to put your crown into the Eternal Flame and then you’ll suddenly grow as big as a house?”_

 

_“A MOUNTAIN”_

 

_“The Eternal Flame that Odin keeps locked away on Asgard?”_

 

_“Odin is not on Asgard”, Surtur reveals. Thor’s face furrows in confusion._

 

Current Thor glares at Loki, and everyone notices.

 

“Oh goodie we get to find out how Thor and Loki ended up on Sakaar,” Valkyrie says.

 

_Surtur continues, “And your absence has left the throne defenceless”_

 

_“Okay so where is it this crown?”_

 

_“This is my crown, the source of my power.” Surtur points to the object on his head._

 

_“Oh that’s a crown. I thought it was a big eyebrow.”_

 

_“It’s a crown”_

 

Everyone laughs again at Thor’s antics.

 

_“Anyway, it sounds like all I have to do to stop Ragnarok is rip that thing off your head.”_

 

_Surtur chuckles, “But Ragnarok has already begun. You cannot stop it”, Surtur is up and moving dragging his big sword on the ground. “I am Asgard’s doom and so are you, All will suffer, all will burn.”_

 

_“Oh that’s intense. To see you grow really big and set fire to a planet would be quite the spectacle. But looks like I’m going to have to choose option B where I bust out of these chains knock that tiara off your head,  and stash it away in Asgard’s vault.”_

 

_“You cannot stop Ragnarok. Why fight it?”_

 

_“Because that’s what heroes do,” Thor exclaims and the hammer isn’t here yet._

 

Valkyrie and Loki roll their eyes, “Your timing is impeccable as always Thor” Val chuckles.

 

Peter Parker, is in awe at one of his heroes.

 

_“Hmm wait I’m sorry I didn’t time that right… And now!” The hammer flys into Thor’s hands and Thor escapes. Immigrant song starts playing._

 

_“You have made a grave mistake odinson!”_

 

_“I make grave mistakes all the time.” Nervously, “Everything seems to work out”. Cue Thor being a badass motherfucker with that hammer and fighting off fire giants._

 

Peter shouts, “That’s so badass”

 

Tony replies, “Awesome music too, that Led Zepplin is amazing”, while the Asgardians are simply confused with the background music, though Loki is smirking because of how proud he is of his older brother.

 

_Thor eventually defeats Surtur and straps the crown on his back and calls for Heimdall, “Heimdall! I know it’s been a while but I could use a fast exist”.  He lifts up his hammer and nothing happens, “Heimdall?”._

 

_The scene shifts to Bifrost Observatory, and we see Skurge entertaining some Asgardian Ladies, “Heimdall was an idiot. This job should have made him rich. Now, the job ain't easy, but it does have its benefits. The Bi-Frost gives me access to everything the Nine Realms have to offer. I mean it's all mine for the taking.” Pause._

_“Behold! My stuff”, and in view shows a bunch of stuff from the nine realms and mostly Earth stuff. Skurge grabs some big rifles from the pile and holds them up, “I’m particularly fond of these. I pulled them out of a place on Midgard called Tex-ass. I even named them, Des and Troy. You see when you put them together, they… Destroy”_

 

“There really should be gun laws in America, I mean even the aliens are getting their hands on them” Peter mutters.

 

While Tony, Clint, Bruce, Nat and everyone else was chuckling over the mispronunciation of Texas. “Honestly, I’m gonna call Texas, Tex-ass from now on, they really are a pain in the ass,” says Tony.

 

_Back with Thor, we see a fire dragon has broken its chain and has begun chasing Thor. Thor flies out of the underground lair to the surface. “Heimdall come on”. Nothing happens and the dragon is catching up. The dragon lifts Thor up and he drops the hammer on the dragon’s mouth, so it is stuck._

 

“Haha dragon’s not worthy” exclaims Clint.

 

“You fought a fucking fire dragon!” exclaims almost everyone at Thor. Thor just shrugs while smirking in response.

 

_“Stay!” Thor exclaims, “Heimdal? I’m running short on options”. Thor continues exclaiming Heimdall when the scene changes to the Bifrost again, and Skurge is shaking a shake weight in a compromising position, while one of the girls notices the Thor’s voice calling out._

 

_“Um, skurge? Is that important?”, she says._

 

“Oh god, he looks like he’s um…” Tony begins to say and remembers Peter is here, “Nevermind”.

 

“Mr Stark I’m 16 not 10” Peter says annoyed. Everyone chuckles under their breath.

 

_Skurge finally notices and picks up the sword, “You girls are in for a treat.” He places the sword in the mechanism and twists, it glows and begins to work._

 

_Thor is soaring through the fire landscape with the dragon trailing behind, the dragon is getting closer and almost gets Thor but the bifrost picks him up just in time in a flash of rainbow colours. The title screen shows in the midst of the Bifrost mark on the ground._

 

“Okay, so we are watching a movie about Thor and Ragnarok”, Steve says, confusion etched onto his face.

 

Loki is beginning to get nervous because he bound to appear at some point in the film and it will probably be embarrassing for him. Everyone else besides the revengers, is excited to know about the story because they didn’t get details.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment feedback of anything you would like to see :)


	2. the rouse is up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have an iw & eg fix it idea, and a whole plot laid out. It's mostly fixing everything the Russos just did for shock value ugh. But I've never written a proper story before and I don't how to begin.
> 
> Anyways enjoy this chapter.

 

 

_ Thor whooshes out of the Bifrost light with the dead dragon trailing behind, covering the entire area in dragon guts. The girls leave screaming, _

 

_ “Girls?” Skurge looks to Thor, “well, well well. Look who decided to pop in. Thanks for scaring away my company and drenching my workplace in brains.” _

 

_ “Who are you?” Thor asks. _

 

_ “Don’t you remember? I’m Skurge. We fought together on Vanaheim.” _

 

_ “Right. Where is Heimdall?” _

 

_ “That Traitor. No one knows. He’s a fugitive of the throne.” _

 

Valkyrie and Thor side eye Loki, in the theatre, and Loki just goes lower into the couch. 

 

_ “Traitor?” Thor replies in confusion. _

_ “Yeah well you see Odin charged Heimdall with negligence of duty but he disappeared before the trial. Hard to catch a guy who can see everyone in the universe.” _

 

_ Thor starts walking away, “Sure”. _

 

“That is creepy, Heimdall’s ‘gift’” Rhodey exclaims. The rest of the Avengers agree.

 

“That is why I learnt to cloak myself from Heimdall’s sight from a young age, I like my privacy,” Loki replies.

 

_ Skurge hurries to say, “Hold on. I’m supposed to announce your arrival.” And Thor whooshes off into the distance. Skurge sighs and starts running across the Bifrost bridge. Asgard comes into view. _

 

“Asgard is beautiful, and you actually have a rainbow bridge. I could sit and draw there for hours.” Steve says.

 

“Petition to call it the gay bridge?” Peter exclaims, and Tony high fives him.

 

_ Thor lands with a thump and looks up in confusion at a large Loki statue, “What the hell is that?” he mutters. _

 

The Avengers are a mixture of laughter and glares at Loki’s antics.

 

“I said it before and I say it now, Loki is a drama queen with an ego bigger than mine”, Tony exclaims. 

 

“Takes one to know one”, Loki replies back.

 

_ Thor walks into the Theatre area and listens to the extra dramatic totally false version of events, play.  _

 

_ Man 1: Oh Brother. This is it. I take my leave. _

_ Man 2: You fool, you didn’t listen! _

_ Man 1: I’m sorry. _

 

_ Actors playing Thor and Loki are shown. _

 

_ Thor Actor: Lady Sif get help. _

_ Lady Sif Actress: Somebody,  help! _

 

Valkyrie looks at Loki, and Loki replies, “I never really liked Sif, what do you expect?” and shrugs.

Thor pipes up for the rest of the Avengers, “This is a totally inaccurate version of events that happened in 2013, well Loki supposedly did die in my arms but that is about the only accurate part of this play.”

 

Tony just sighs from how extra Loki has been, “At least he wasn’t going around killing everybody as Odin”

 

Val replies, “I think that may be one of the reasons none of the Asgardian civilians spoke up about their suspicions”

 

_ Back to the play. _

_ Loki Actor: Sorry for all that I’ve done _

_ Thor Actor: Shh. It’s all right. Hold on. _

_ Loki Actor: I’m sorry I tried to rule Earth. _

_ Thor Actor: They’d be lucky to have you. _

_ Loki Actor: I’m sorry about that thing with the tesseract. I just couldn’t help myself. _

_ Thor Actor: I know. _

_ Loki Actor: I’m a trickster. _

_ Thor Actor: So mischievous. _

_ Loki Actor: Sorry about that time I turned you into a frog. _

_ Thor Actor: It was a wonderful joke. _

 

_ Odin sitting on the chair laughing to himself mutters, “Twas indeed hilarious”. _

 

_ Thor Actor: You are the saviour of Asgard. _

_ Loki Actor: Tell my story. _

_ Thor Actor: I will. _

_ Loki Actor: Build a statue for me. _

_ Thor Actor: We will build a big statue for you. _

_ Loki Actor: With my helmet, with the big bendy horns. _

_ Thor Actor: I will tell father what you did here today. _

 

_ Odin mouths the words along with actor Loki: I didn’t do it for him. Actor Loki dies. _

_ Thor Actor screams Noooooo! _

 

“I have so many questions,” Steve says in confusion.

 

“So most of that was fake” Thor says and glares at Loki, “Except, Loki did turn me into a frog once, and I did actually say ‘I will tell father what you did here today’ and he did actually reply ‘I didn’t do it for him’”

 

Tony and Peter are stil snickering from this extra dramatic play.

 

_ Odin Actor: And so Loki died of his wounds, giving his life for ours. He fought back those disgusting dark elves. He brought peace to the realm. _

 

_ A little baby blue boy walks up on stage. _

 

_ Odin Actor: Loki, my boy...`Twas many moons ago I found you on a frost-bitten battlefield. _

 

_ Thor looks incredulous but looks to his right and sees a woman sobbing. _

 

_ Odin Actor: On that day, I did not yet see in you Asgard's saviour. No. You were merely a little blue baby icicle… that melted this old fool's heart. _

 

Peter says, “Did he just call himself ‘a little blue baby icicle?”

 

“Honestly, this play is just a manifestation of Loki’s daddy and abandonment issues, I should know I’ve been there” Tony replies.

 

Thor asks, “What do you mean?”

 

“It’s obvious, all he ever wanted was his father’s love and affection and to be worthy in his eyes, clearly Odin never gave that so Loki was like, ‘I shall do it myself through theatre’.” Tony answers back.

 

“Honestly Thor, I thought we established Loki has this really soft centre that he hides really well,” Val says.

 

“I am not soft!” Loki replies incredulously

 

“Sure you aren’t” Val smirks.

 

“Uh guys, why is little Loki blue?” Steve asks

 

“Adopted. Literally from a different planet and species” Loki replies.

 

“But you aren’t blue?” Rhodey says.

 

“Do you want to see my true form?” Loki asks and raises his eyebrows.

 

“Maybe later, after the movie” Rhodey replies.

 

_ The crowd erupts in thunderous applause. Odin cheers, “Bravo bravo bravo” and Thor comes into the scene, “Father”. _

 

_ Loki as Odin curses under his breath, “Oh shit!” then later, “My son! Thor has returned! Greetings my boy.” _

 

Tony mutters, “Oh shit indeed”

 

_ Thor says, “it’s an interesting play, what is it called?” _

_ “The tragedy of Loki of Asgard. The people wanted to commemorate him.” Odin replies. _

_ “Indeed they should.”, pause. “I like that statue. A lot better looking than when he was alive, though. Less weasly. Less greasy maybe.” _

 

Everyone watching interrupts with laughter and Thor smiles to himself while Loki gives a small incredulous “hey!”.

 

_ Odin sours masking his agitation. Thor holds up the skull. “You know what this is?” Thor continues. _

_ “The skull of Surtur? That’s a formidable weapon.” _

_ “Do me a favour. Lock this in the vault so it doesn’t turn into a giant monster and destroy the whole planet.”  _

_ Odin asks, “So it’s back to Midgard for you? Is it?” _

_ Thor starts toying with the hammer and says, “Nope, I’ve been having this recurring dream lately. Every night I see Asgard fall into ruins…” _

_ Odin says, “That’s just a silly dream… signs of an overactive imagination” _

_ Thor replies, “Possibly... but then I decide to go out there and investigate. And what do I find, but the Nine Realms completely in chaos. Enemies of Asgard assembling, plotting our demise, all while you, Odin, the protector of those Nine Realms, are sitting here in your bathrobe, eating grapes.” _

_ “Well it is best to respect our neighbour’ freedom” _

 

“Okay I can see that is how Loki did it, someone probably came to him and said ‘one of the lesser colonies began a revolution and declared independence’ and Loki as Odin just replied with ‘good for them’ and drank his entire glass of wine and wrote another play” Val chuckles.

 

Everyone laughs at that thought and Loki confirms it. “Honestly Thor, if you came earlier, you would’ve found out about my rouse easily, I wasn’t exactly being subtle”

 

Thor just glares at Loki but sighs and says, “You’re right though, you were acting a lot more like mother than father. Well, mother wouldn’t neglect her duties but less temper like her.”

Loki smiles to himself.

 

“Anyone finding it hard to believe that Loki would be the one with less temper?” Clint says. Most of the avenger's nod.

 

_ Thor continues speaking, “Yes the freedom to be massacred” _

_ Odin replies, “Yes, Besides, I have been rather busy myself” _

_ “Watching theatre”, Thor replies. _

_ “Board meetings and security council meetings…” _

_ “You’re really going to make me do it?” _

_ “Do what?” _

 

_ Thor throws the hammer really far and grabs Odin by the neck facing him towards the hammer. The hammer is hurling really fast coming in their direction. _

_ “You know nothing will stop Mjolnir as it returns to my hand.” Thor declares. “Not even your face.” _

_ “You’ve gone quite mad. You will be executed for this.” Loki as Odin says, still trying to protect his rouse. _

_ “Then I’ll see you on the other side… brother” _

_ Loki is revealed and jumps out of the way of the hammer. “Alright! I yield!” Loki brings his hands up in surrender and Skurge arrives on the scene. We see the audience reaction. _

 

“Wow the Asgardians really are not phased at all by this turn of events, it’s almost like they knew all along,” Tony says.

 

_ “Behold…. Thor Odinson…” Skurge begins. And Loki rounds up on him pointing his finger, “You had one job! Just the one.” _

_ “Where’s Odin?” Thor asks. _

_ “You just couldn’t stay away, could you? Everything was fine without you. Asgard was prospering. You’ve ruined everything. Ask them.” Loki stammers out. The them in question all look incredulous. Thor advances on Loki and backs him into the chair. _

_ “Where’s father? Did you kill him?” _

_ “You had what you wanted. You had the independence you asked for!” Loki still stammers on. Thor presses the hammer into Loki’s chest. “Ow Ow Ow, Alright! I know exactly where he is!” _

 

“Good to know he didn’t murder his father, I mean daddy issues aside, I think murder would’ve been too far” Tony says.

 

“You always have to use that damned hammer against me, Thor”, Loki says. Thor just chuckles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment any particular reactions or moments you would like to see :)


	3. asgardians meet earth wizard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said no slash but my frostiron heart couldn't stop to include a little admiration from one or the other 
> 
> enjoy the chapter

 

 

_ A flash of Bifrost light appears once more. A sign for ‘Shady Acres Care Home’ comes into view over a demolished building. They are in New York, and both of them are in Earth’s clothes, Thor carries an umbrella and Loki is wearing a weird avant-garde suit. _

 

Tony cackles with laughter, “I’m sorry, did you seriously just place Odin in an old people’s home for two years?”

 

Loki just smiles and nods.

 

“That is amazing honestly, from what I heard honestly he seemed like he deserved it” Tony replies.

 

_ Loki on the screen says, “I swear I left him right here.” _

_ “Right here on the sidewalk or right here where the building’s being demolished? Great planning”, Thor says incredulously. _

_ “How am I supposed to know? I can’t see into the future I’m not a witch.” _

_ “Then why do you dress like one?” _

 

“Thor is on fire with these clapbacks” Peter exclaims, and all the Avengers agree.

“Okay but Loki looks really good in that suit,” Tony says.

Loki just looks curiously at Tony and smiles.

“Uh Mr Stark?” Peter says

“Did I just say that aloud? Oops” Tony replies.

“Yeah…”

“Shut it Peter, or do you want me to tell them about your-” Peter places a hand over Tony’s mouth and says “Alright I’ll stop”. He removes his hand and Tony sticks his tongue out at Peter.

 

_ “Hey”, Loki replies and looks offended. _

_ “I can’t believe you’re alive. I saw you die. I mourned you, I cried for you.” _

_ “I’m honoured?”  _

 

_ They get interrupted by two college girls approaching Thor. _

_ Girl 1 says, “Ask him” _

_ Girl 2, “HI would you mind taking a picture with us?” _

_ Loki rolls his eyes at the scene. Thor turns towards the girls, “Sure” and to Loki, “Start figuring out where he is” in a stern voice. _

_ Girl 2, “Oh my god” _

_ Girl 1, “Sorry to hear that Jane dumped you.” _

_ Thor stumbles on his words, “She didn’t dump me you know. Dumped her. It was a mutual dumping” And Loki pats Thor’s shoulder in a comforting gesture. _

 

“Hey Thor can I get a picture with you too?” Peter asks shyly.

“Sure little spider” Thor smiles.

 

“Loki comforting Thor, the world is crazier than I thought” Clint says.

 

_ Thor notices a glowing orange circle forming below Loki, “What’s this? What are you doing?” _

_ Loki is confused, “This… isn’t me” and Loki drops out of sight with a high pitched squeal. _

_ Thor notices a piece of paper and pokes it with his umbrella, “Loki?” _

 

“I would like to hear that high pitched squeal from Loki again” Rhodey is laughing as is the other Avengers.

 

“Brother, did you seriously think I shapeshifted into a piece of paper?” Loki exclaims.

“Not a farfetched idea though” Thor replies.

 

_ Thor picks up the card and finds an address on it, ‘177a Bleecker street’. The scene changes to the place and Thor is magically teleported inside once he knocks. Doctor Strange floats omniously towards Thor. _

_ “Thor Odinson” Doctor Strange exclaims. _

_ Thor gives Strange a weird look and puts his umbrella down. He looks up and the environment changes again. “So Earth has wizards now?” Thor asks. _

_ “The preferred term is master of the mystic arts.” _

 

Loki rolls his eyes and Tony says, “Wait wasn’t this guy a famous neurosurgeon”

 

_ “Alright wizard, who are you? Why should I care?” _

_ “My name is Doctor Stephen Strange and I have some questions for you. Take a seat” _

_ The scene teleports again and they both are seated in armchairs. _

_ “Tea?” Strange asks. _

_ Thor has a cup of tea in his hands, “I don’t drink tea.”  _

_ “What do you drink?” _

_ “Not tea.” A stein of beer is formed in Thor’s hands and he drinks from it. _

_ “So I keep a watch list of individuals and beings from other realms that may be a threat to this world. Your adopted brother Loki is one of these beings.” _

_ “A worthy inclusion” _

_ “Then why bring him here?” _

_ “We’re looking for my father.” _

_ “So. If I were to tell you where Odin was, all parties concerned will promptly return to Asgard?” _

_ “Promptly.” _

_ “Great. Then I’ll help you.” _

_ “If you knew where he was, why didn’t you call me?” _

_ “I have to tell you, he was adamant that he not be disturbed. Your father said he had chosen to remain in exile.” pause. “And you don’t have a phone.” _

_ “No, I don’t have a phone but could’ve sent an electronic letter. It’s called an email.” _

_ “Yeah, do you have a computer?” _

_ “No, what for?” _

 

Tony just sighs in the theatre, “Thor remind me to teach you about technology later”

Thor just smiles back.

“See Thor, it’s not my fault that Odin chose to remain in exile. He could’ve come up earlier and stopped me but he didn’t so…”Loki says.

 

_ Thor continues speaking, “Anyway, my father is no longer in exile. So if you could tell me where he is, I can take him home.” _

_ “Gladly. He’s in Norway.” Strange stands up and world changes suddenly again, they are by a bookcase and Strange picks one out and flips through it. “I'm just seeing whether this incantation requires any Asgardian modifications.” _

_ Thor tries to steady himself by leaning on the bookshelf. Strange continues, “Nope” the world shifts again and Thor drags the shelf with him and is dizzy. “Oh we don’t need that.” Scene changes again and Thor spills beer. Thor exclaims, “Will you stop doing that?”. _

 

“Thor too drunk on that ever magic refilling beer, and with the teleportation, he isn’t too good.”,Bucky says and everyone in the theatre is busy laughing. 

 

“This sorcerer is using so much unnecessary magic, this waste of energy is hurting my soul.”Loki sighs.

 

_ Strange looks to Thor with concern, “May I have one strand of your hair?” _

_ Thor says, “Let me explain something. My hair is not to be meddled wi-” Thor is interrupted when Strange plucks out a strand of hair from Thor. Strange does more hand wavey magic and suddenly they teleport to the bottom of the stairs and a portal is open to a green field. _

_ Thor sighs, “We could’ve just walked”. _

_ Strange gestures to the portal, “He’s waiting for you.” _

_ “All right” _

_ “Don’t forget your umbrella.” _

_ “Yes.” Thor holds his hand out and we hear the umbrella (Mjolnir) crashing through the sanctum. Thor apologises. Finally, it flies into his hand. “I suppose I’ll need my brother back.” _

 

“Oh finally, thought you forgot about me then,” Loki says sarcastically.

“Wait the umbrella was Mjolnir the whole time!” Rhodey says.

 

_ Strange says surprised, “Yeah right” and does his magic thingy to open up a portal and we hear screaming as Loki falls flat on his face.  _

_ Loki angrily, “I have been falling…  for thirty minutes” _

 

Everyone is laughing in the theatre and Loki just goes down lower into the Sofa as unpleasant memories of falling forever resurface.

 

_ “You can handle him from here.” Strange says to Thor. _

_ “Yes of course.”, and shakes hands with Strange. “Thank you very much for your help” _

_ “Goodluck” _

_ Loki is up and angry and sheathes his daggers, “Handle me? Who are you?” _

_ Thor sighs and does a flimsy hand up, “Loki.” _

_ “..you think you're some kind of sorcerer? Don't think for one minute, you second-rate…” _

_ “Bye-Bye” Strange exclaims and pushes the portal through both Loki and Thor. Loki falls flat on his face again but this time in Norway. As Loki is getting up, Thor sees Odin and goes towards him, Loki follows. _

 

“Seeing Loki like this is honestly good for my soul,” Clint says while everyone is laughing in the theatre.

“I need to meet this Doctor, for one reason: awesome facial hair bros”, Tony says.


	4. hela introduced

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a short chapter, but sakaar next woohoo

 

 

_ As Thor approaches Odin, he speaks, “Father?” _

_ Odin is looking out onto the ocean and says, “Look at this place. It’s beautiful.” _

_ “Father. It’s us.” Thor tries again. _

_ “My sons. I have been waiting for you.” We see the camera pan out to Loki who looks surprised and has a soft expression on his face at being acknowledged. _

 

Loki in the theatre room scoffs, “He said that after pretty much disowning me and saying, ‘my birthright was to die’, well I guess he had two years to think on what he said.”

 

_ “I know. We’ve come to take you home.” Thor continues. _

_ “Home yes. Your mother she calls me, do you hear it?” Odin replies. _

_ Thor glares at Loki, “Loki lift your magic” and Loki just shakes his head in sorrow. Odin turns to Loki and smiles, in which Loki is surprised, he speaks, “Took me quite a well to break free from your spell. Frigga would’ve been proud.” _

 

_ Odin continues, calming Thor, “Come sit with me, I don’t have much time.” _

_ “I know that we failed you, But we can make this right” Thor pleads. _

_ “I failed you. It is upon us… Ragnarok”  _

_ “No I’ve stopped Ragnarok, I put an end to Surtur.” _

_ “No it has already begun. She is coming. My life was all that held her back but my time has come. I cannot keep her away any longer.” _

_ “Father, who are you talking about?” _

_ “The goddess of Death, Hela. My first born.” Odin faces Thor, “Your sister.” Thor is shocked at the news and Loki can’t believe what he is hearing. _

 

“You call me the god of lies, when it was Odin’s lies that caused pretty much all of our problems”Loki says.

 

“Uh isn’t Hela supposed to be Loki’s daughter, well according the mythology?” Natasha asks.

 

“I have no children, no thanks.”Loki replies and makes his face in disgust at the thought.

 

“Loki is a literal baby, excuse me” Thor speaks up.

 

“Hey!”and Loki literally pouts.

_ Back to the movie, Thor replies with a shocked “What?” _

_ Odin continues his tale, “Her violent appetites grew beyond my control. I couldn't stop her, so I imprisoned her. Locked her away. She draws her strength from Asgard...and once she gets there, her powers will be limitless.” _

_ “Whatever she is, we can stop her. We can face her together.” _

_ “No we won’t. I’m on a different path now. This you must face alone.” Pause. “I love you my sons.” Loki looks up and is emotional from being loved, while Thor is tearing up. _

_ “Look at that.” Odin continues. “Remember this place, home.” Odin starts turning into golden dust and floats away. The brothers stand up and witness his farewell. _

 

_ The sky darkens and thunder sounds, Thor is angry and looks towards his brother.  _

_ “Brother.” Loki calmly interjects. _

_ “This was your doing.” Thor replies. _

 

Loki winces at the memory and curls in on himself. Thor notices and says, “I’m sorry brother, I let my anger point the blame at you. In reality, you didn’t kill Odin or have anything to do with Hela. You stranded him yes. But Odin broke free and could’ve come back.” 

Loki nods and smiles, letting Thor know all is forgiven. 

 

_ A black portal opens behind them, and the brothers turn to face it. Thor slams his umbrella down and changes into his asgardian wear and hammer, with a big flash of lightning. While Loki magics his asgardian wear on. _

 

“When you think Loki is the only dramatic one, but it turns out Thor can be so extra too.” Tony says.

 

“Was the full on lightning blast really necessary, Thor?” Steve asks. Thor just shrugs.

 

_ Hela appears and looks around, “So he’s gone?” pause. “That’s a shame. I would’ve liked to have seen that.” They all stare at each other. _

 

_ Thor speaks up, “You must be Hela. I’m Thor, son of Odin.” _

_ “Really, you don’t look like him.” _

_ “Perhaps we can reach an arrangement.”Loki replies. _

_ “You sound like him.” Pause. “Kneel.” Hela exclaims. _

_ “Beg your pardon?” Loki replies incredulously.  _

 

“Oh ho ho ho, how the tables have turned Loki.” Tony exclaims.

 

_ Hela creates a pitch black sword, “kneel… before your queen.” _

_ “I don’t think so.”, Thor hurls the hammer at Hela and she catches it, beginning to break it apart. Thor tries to call the hammer back to him but he can’t. _

 

_ “It’s not possible.” Thor says. _

_ “Darling, you have no idea what’s possible.” Hela exclaims and eventually shatters the hammer.  Thor is shocked, while Loki is panicking and shouts, “Bring us back” at the sky. Thor shouts, “No!” but it’s too late and the Bifrost picks them up. Unfortunately, Hela runs into the Bifrost and is chasing after them. Loki attempts to throw two daggers at Hela below, but she knocks them out and eventually grabs Loki and throws him out of the bifrost beam. Thor shouts, “Loki!!!!” _

_ Hela and Thor fight inside the beam but eventually Thor is kicked out too and Hela is going through the Bifrost to Asgard.  _

 

“Rip Mjolnir”, Peter exclaims, and puts his hand to his heart. 

 

_ The scene changes to the Bifrost Observatory, Hela arrives. Fandral and Volstagg draw their weapons. _

_ “Who are you? What have you done with Thor?” Volstagg exclaims. Hela fires two daggers, each at Fandral and Volstagg, instantly dropping them to the ground. “I’m Hela.” She walks forward and sees Skurge, who has begun to kneel and lifts his hands up in surrender, “And I’m just the janitor.” _

_ “You look like a smart boy with good survival instincts. How would you like a job?” Hela replies. Skurge stands up. We see Hela looking out on Asgard with Skurge following closely behind. _

 

_ We see a mysterious hooded figure climbing the mountains of Asgard.  _

 


	5. thor lands in sakaar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the collection point for all lost and unloved things. like me.
> 
> guys if you find any other watching marvel movies fics, send me links? I love them thanks

 

 

 

_ The sky is filled with many wormholes, and we see a planet filled with trash. Thor comes flying through the wormhole in the distance and crashes. Thor is on his back and sees a giant metal object hurtling towards him, he quickly rolls over out of the way. _

 

“How the fuck do you survive crash landings on to new planets like that?” Tony exclaims. The Asgardians just smirk. 

Though Loki mutters under his breath, “I wish I didn’t, at least the first time round”, recalling his letting go of the Bifrost.

 

_ Thor runs up to the top of a hill and looks around, he notices all the junk and the massive red wormhole in the distance. The sound of a transport vessel is heard and we see it land nearby Thor. A bunch of scrappers in masks walk out, one of them asks, “Are you a fighter or are you food?” _

_ Thor replies, “I’m just passing through.” _

_ They chuckle and the same scrapper replies, “It is food. On your knees.”  Thor reaches out to summon Mjolnir and nothing happens, he sighs. The scrappers all attack at Thor bringing him to the ground, they are kicking and throwing nets, until a new ship arrives. Scrapper 142, walks out with a bottle of alcohol in hand, swaying from drunkenness. “He’s mine” She says. Immediately she falls off the side of the platform with a thunk. _

“Oh look I’ve appeared.” Val says and smiles. 

 

_ The other scrappers continue what they were doing but Scrapper 142 is up and shouts, “Wait!”. She finds her balance and continues, “Wait! He’s mine, so if you want him you go through me.” _

 

_ “We’ve already got him” One of the masked ones replies. _

 

_ “Alright, then I guess I go through you” She smugly replies and clangs her metal gauntlets together. _

 

_ “More food.”  _

 

_ She holds out her arms and we see she is controlling the arms on her ship. She moves from side to side and shoots at them all, within 3 seconds they are all down and Thor is up.  _

 

“Holy hell, that tech is amazing” Tony says and Bruce agrees with a nod.

“She’s so badass” Peter exclaims.

“Damn right” Val smirks.

 

_ “Thank you” Thor replies, but Scrapper 142 throws an obedience disk at Thor and electrocutes him. She drags him off to her ship.  _

_ Inside the ship, we see Thor has his face squished up against the glass. He turns around and sees Scrapper 142 above. She is speaking into the comm unit, “This is Scrapper 142. I need clearance and audience with the boss. I’ve got something special.” _

_ Thor shouts, “Hey! Where are you taking me?” Scrapper ignores him and takes a swig from her bottle. Thor continues, “Answer me! Hey! I am Thor, son of Odin. I need to get back to Asgard.” _

_ “Many apologies, your majesty” She replies. _

 

“Thor just isn’t having a good time lately.” Clint says.

“Why does Thor, the literal god of thunder, get electrocuted?” Peter asks.

“I summon lightning, I am not made of it” Thor explains.

 

_ The scene cuts back to Asgard and Hela. “It’s come to my attention, that you don’t know who I am.” Hela regally speaks. The armies of Asgard with Hogun leading is revealed. Hela continues, “I am Hela, Odin's first born, Commander of the legions of Asgard, the rightful heir to the throne, and the Goddess of Death.” Pause. “My father is dead. As are the princes. You're welcome. We were once the seat of absolute power in the Cosmos. Our supremacy was unchallenged, yet Odin stopped at Nine Realms. Our destiny is to rule over all others. And I am here to restore that power. Kneel before me...and rise into the ranks of my great conquest.” _

 

“Quit telling everyone we’re dead” Loki exclaims.

“Loki, you gave up on Asgard and was about to live the rest of your life on that trash planet” Thor sighs.

“I didn’t though.” Loki raises his eyebrows.

 

_ The armies are in formation for attack and Hogun speaks, “Whoever you are… whatever you’ve done, surrender now! Or we will show you no mercy.”  _

_ Hela scoffs, “Whoever I am? Did you listen to a word I said?” _

_ “This is your last warning.” _

_ “I thought you’d be happy to see me.” Hela forms her headdress and prepares to attack, “Fine.” _

 

“Yeah no one listens to crazy deranged villains, lady” Rhodey mutters. 

“Okay but is she really a villain though? She was only doing what she has been taught to do by Odin. It’s clear he was just as warmongering, and he didn’t help her or tell her why he stopped, just locked her up for centuries, till she became bitter and more angry” Bruce says.

“Yeah Odin has this thing were he locks up his secrets and greatest failures instead of you know, dealing with them” Loki complains. 

 

_ Hela fights her way through the armies, and slaughters them all. We cut to a scene of the hooded figure climbing up to the bifrost observatory. Hela is still fighting and uses her cape as a shield. In the bifrost observatory, the figure finds the sword and takes it.  _

_ Hela and Skurge are walking amongst the massacre, “Oh I’ve missed this. Still it’s a shame. Good soldiers dying for nothing...all because they couldn’t see the future. Sad.” Hela speaks. _

 

“Nope she is a villain, just Odin let it get this far for no reason.” Bruce mutters.

 

_ “Oh look still alive!” Hela continues. Hogun is revealed, severely injured but alive. “Change of heart?” she says, while Hogun pulls a dagger as a last ditch effort. “Go back to whatever cave you crept out of you evil demoness!” Hogun exclaims. Hela impales Hogun on a spike and turns to Skurge. “Let’s go see my palace.” Skurge stares at Hogun before following Hela. _

 

“I hope Skurge, leaves Hela’s side soon. He clearly doesn’t like this.” Steve says.

 

_ The screen is pitch black. We see Thor eventually, strapped to a chair and moving through a tunnel. A soothing voice speaks up, “Fear not, for you are found. You are home, and there is no going back. No one leaves this place.” Thor struggles against his restraints, as the light show begins. _

_ “But what is this place? The answer is Sakaar.” The walls show the cosmos around the planet Sakaar. “Surrounded by cosmic gateways, Sakaar lives on the edge of the known and unknown.” Wormholes appear on the walls. “It is the collection point for all lost and unloved things. Like you. But here on Sakaar, you are significant. You are valuable. Here you are loved.” _

_ Thor has a confused expression and says, ‘What the… hell?” _

 

“Yeets myself to Sakaar” Peter says.

“Umm Peter, you are loved here?” Tony replies.

“No no no, it’s just genZ depressing humour”

“Kids these days”Tony mutters.

“No wonder why Loki wanted to stay. He became loved again” Val says. 

 

_ The soothing voice continues, “And no one loves you more, than the grandmaster.” _

 

Loki coughs and splutters. Everyone just looks at him strangely.

 

_ Images of the grandmaster show up on the walls, the voice continues. “He is the original. The first lost, and the first found. The creator of Sakaar and the father of the Contest of Champions.” Images of aliens battling show up. “Where once you were nothing, now you are something. You are the property of the grandmaster.” _

 

“Well that was dark and ominous”Nat mutters.

 

_ “Congratulations! You will meet the Grandmaster in five seconds”. The tunnel has rapid images going by fast. Thor is beginning to panic. “Prepare yourself! Prepare yourself! You are now meeting the grandmaster.” Thor screams loudly.  _

 

_ Thor is surrounded by guards in colourful armour. The grandmaster is shown on screen, assessing the situation.  _

 

“Is that Jeff Goldblum?” Tony exclaims.

“Who?” The asgardians reply.

“There’s a Jeff Goldblum parallel that is just as eccentric if not more on another planet. Cool” Peter smiles.

“I lived in Jeff Goldblum’s house for two years?” Bruce says, bewildered. The asgardians are still very confused. 

 

_ “He’s wonderful…  it is a he?” The grandmaster pipes up.  Scrapper 142 replies, “It’s a he.” _

_ “Yeah. I love when you come to visit 142. You bring me the best stuff.” Pause. “Whenever we get to talking, Topaz, about Scrapper 142...what do I always say? "She is the..." and it starts with a B.” _

_ Topaz to the left has look of disdain and says, “Trash”. _

_ “No, not trash. Were you waiting just to call her that? It doesn't start with a "B." _

_ “Booze Hag” _

_ “I’m so sorry. No, ‘Best’. I was thinking about ‘best’.” He looks to S142, “Because I always say you're the best. She brought me my precious beloved Champion, you know.” _

_ “You say that every time she’s here.” Topaz complains.  _

_ The grandmaster ignores Topaz, “What have you brought today? Tell me.” _

_ “A contender.” 142 says. _

_ “A what?” Thor butts in. _

_ “I need to go closer. I want a closer look at this. Can you take us closer? Thank you.” The chair is pushed forward towards Thor and the grandmaster gets up to inspect his prize. _

 

“Fuck, he even talks like Jeff Goldblum. More crazy lunatic though” Tony says.

 

_ “Pay this lady.” The grandmaster motions for Topaz to pay to Scrapper 142. _

_ “Just wait a damn minute. I’m not for sale.” Thor shouts and breaks out his shackles, however 142 shocks him again. _

_ “Man he is a fighter” The grandmaster sounds amused. _

_ “I’d take 10 million” 142 bargains. _

_ “Tell her she’s dreaming” Topaz scoffs. _

_ “For heaven’s sake transfer the units” The grandmaster blurts out.  _

_ Topaz transfers the units and scrapper 142 starts walking out. “You’ll pay for this!” Thor exclaims. _

_ “No I got paid for this!” 142 smirks and leaves. _

 

“10 million for Thor? really?” Loki says.

“What you expected more? Or less?” Val says.

“Honestly, I don’t know” Loki replies.


	6. ass-place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> got busy with life oops

 

 

_ Thor tries to remove the disk but it causes him more pain and eventually let’s go. The Grandmaster has a similar remote and uses it to control the chair, and has Thor follow him around. _

_ “Here’s what I want to know, Who are you?” The grandmaster asks. _

_ “I am the GOD OF THUNDER!!!” Thor shouts and lifts the shackles creating sparks around his fingers. _

_ “Wow! I didn’t hear any thunder but, out of your fingers was that like…  sparkles?” He replies amused by the display and uses the remote to shackle Thor back to the chair.  _

 

Everyone snickers at the sparkles, and Thor just pouts like a puppy. 

 

_ “We’ve located your cousin.” Topaz interjects. _

_ “Oh good.”, GM turns to Thor, “Yeah come on, I think you’re gonna like this”. _

 

“Newsflash, I didn’t like it.” Thor interjects.

 

_ Cousin Carlo is strapped to a chair and looks terrified. “There he is. Hey, cuz. We almost couldn't find you. What, have you been hiding?” The grandmaster says. _

_ Carlo looks over to Thor, cowering in fear. _

_ “Hi” Thor says. _

_ Carlo just weeps. _

_ “So…” The grandmaster interrupts. _

_ “Please. I’m sorry.” Carlo pleads. _

_ “Carlo… I pardon you.” _

“Aww he’s a nice leader” Steve says.

 

_ “Thank you. Thank you.” Carlo sighs in relief. _

_ “You’re officially pardoned… from life”, the grandmaster takes the melt stick and jabs into cousin carlo, making him melt away. _

 

“I take back what I said” Steve says with his face scrunched up in disgust.

“If or when I die, I would like the last words said to me to be, ‘You are officially pardoned from life’, it has a nice ring to it” Tony says.

“I’ll fake jab the melt stick if you want, Mr Stark.” Peter snickers.

“Do it. I dare you.” Tony replies.

 

_ Thor is looking on in shock and disgust as Carlo melts into blue goo. “Oh my god!” he screams. _

_ “I’m stepping in it. I’m stepping in it. Look out!” The grandmaster complains. _

_ “Oh the smell!” Thor continues scrunching up his nose. _

_ “What does it smell like?” _

_ “Burnt Toast” Topaz says. _

 

“I assure you, it smelt worse than burnt toast.” Thor corrects.

 

_ “What happened to my manners? I haven’t properly introduced myself. Come on.” The grandmaster turns to Thor. The scene changes to a room with musical instruments and many aliens. The grandmaster is playing on a piano-like instrument with Thor still strapped to the chair in front of him. _

 

“This music is good though” Peter says, and starts bobbing his head to the tunes.

 

_ “My name is Grandmaster. I preside over a little harlequinade called the Contest of Champions. People come from far and wide to unwillingly participate in it. And you, my friend, might just be part of the new cast. What do you say to that?” _

_ “We're not friends, and I don't give a shit about your games! I'm going back to Asgard!” Thor angrily replies. _

 

“Feisty Thor” Tony says.

“How did Thor and Loki go from Shakespeare talk to saying ‘shit’ so freely?” Clint says.

“Well Thor spent a lot of time with us on Earth, I’m not sure about Loki to be honest. He’s probably just a little shit who actually breaks the rules of language all the time, and nothing says rebel like swearing.” Tony suggests.

 

_ The Grandmaster is just amused by this display of anger and says, “Ass-gard?” _

 

Everyone laughs at that.

 

_ “One two three four…” The grandmaster gets into his music playing and we see the camera pan out to the crowd on the other side of Thor. We see Loki having a discussion with the other aliens, holding a cocktail and laughing. _

_ “There was a wormhole in space and time beneath me. At that moment, I let go…” Loki was saying. _

 

“Uh Loki, where you seriously talking about your fall from the bifrost uh 6 or 7 years ago, where you tried to um die, while smiling and laughing?” Thor asks.

“Humour is my only coping mechanism.”Loki replies.

“Mood” Tony says.

“Big mood” Peter adds.

 

_ Thor notices Loki and shouts for him, “Loki? Loki! Over here!” _

_ Loki notices Thor and blanches a little, he sidles closer to Thor as to speak to him without looking like he is actually speaking to him. Loki turns to the group, “Excuse me one second.” _

_ “Loki!” Thor shouts again. _

_ Loki goes over to Thor shushing him. _

 

“Did you just shush Thor?” Peter exclaims.

“If I wasn’t stuck in that chair, you would’ve gotten slapped for shushing me, brother” Thor says.

 

_ “What? You’re alive?” Loki mutters. _

_ “Yes of course I’m alive” Thor whispers back. _

_ “What are you doing here?” _

_ “What do you mean, what am I doing? I’m stuck in this stupid chair. Where’s your chair?” _

_ “I didn’t get a chair” _

_ “Get me out of this one.” _

_ “I can’t” _

_ “What?” _

_ “I’ve made friends with this man, he’s called the grandmaster” _

_ “Oh he’s crazy!” _

_ “I’ve gained his favour… the bifrost brought me out here weeks ago.” _

_ “Weeks ago? I just got here.” _

 

“This is the epitome of sibling arguments” Bucky tunes in.

“I just want to know how Loki gained this lunatic’s favour.” Tony says.

“You don’t want to know” Bruce sighs.

“On the contrary, you must” Val replies.

Loki just sidles closer into the sofa. 

 

_ The grandmaster suddenly appears, “What are you two whispering about?” _

_ Both Thor and Loki are startled.  _

_ “Time works real different around these parts… On any other world, I’d be like millions of years old… but here on Sakaar…” Grandmaster looks to Loki and does an awkward wink, and Loki tries to hide away during the awkward silence. Thor is just looking between the two confused. _

 

“They fucked.” Tony says, “Loki and the Goldblum look alike”

“Bingo” Val snickers.

Loki goes bright red in the face.

“Wait what!! I didn’t know that” Thor exclaims.

“Could we change the subject, we have a child here?”Loki says.

“I’m 17 not 10” Peter says.

“Brother, why?” Thor sighs.

“If you forgot, it was me doing all this that helped you get a ship and escape” Loki replies smugly.

 

_ The grandmaster continues, “In any case, you know this… you call yourself lord of thunder?” _

_ “God of thunder. Tell him” Thor interrupts. _

_ “I’ve never met this man in my life” Loki says. _

_ “He’s my brother.” Thor shoots back. _

_ “Adopted.” Loki awkwardly smiles. _

 

“I’m starting to understand how you guys fixed your issues. You started acting like actual siblings who aren’t perfect and understood that in each other.” Bruce says thoughtfully.

“This sounds similar to a conversation back on the shield helicarrier with Thor.” Natasha smirks.

 

_ “Is he any kind of a fighter?” The grandmaster asks. _

_ Loki shrugs and gives a universal gesture for so and so. _

_ “You take this thing out my neck and I’ll show you” Thor angrily replies. _

 

“Really Loki, not even a positive encouragement” Thor says.

“I mean you clearly handled it yourself with that threat.” Loki replies.

 

_ “Now listen to that. He's threatening me. Hey, Sparkles, here's the deal. If you wanna get back to Ass-place, Assberg…” _

_ “Asgard!” Thor interrupts. _

_ “Any contender who defeats my champion their freedom they shall win.” _

_ “Fine. Then point me in the direction of whoever’s ass I have to kick” Thor resignedly says. _

_ “That’s what I call Contender! Direction would be this way lord.” _

_ Thor tries one more shout, “Loki!” _

 

“Little did they know that whoever ass needed kicking would be the hulk.” Bruce says.

Everyone is too busing snickering at assplace and assberg. 


End file.
